I sure hope my 401(k) doesn't carry Sony stock, because Rick Rubin's new gig as co-head of Columbia Records absolutely reeks of desperation and corporate delirium.

Take his water-testing insistence that Columbia "go green" and abolish plastic jewel boxes (a perfectly defensible move on aesthetic grounds alone) -- and yet he tools around Los Angeles in a Range Rover! Moreover, his first priority is reportedly to relocate the company's L.A. and Manhattan offices, in order to shake up Colubmia's stodgy workplace culture. This is the best way to spend dwindling millions?

When Rubin actually does talk concretely about business, he simply mouths every cliche about what's wrong with the record industry today. Behold these blinding insights: "Until a new model is agreed upon and rolling, we can be the best at the existing paradigm; but until the paradigm shifts, it's going to be a declining business. This model is done."

The record industry is in worse shape than I thought.