These are the kinds of things that appear on television when a sports program has to fill two hours a day, five mornings a week and the NFL isn't playing regular season or postseason games: We present to you ... Man vs. Bear.

Redskins punt returner Antwaan Randle El (although ESPN referred to him as a kickoff returner) appeared on "First Take" this morning to help settle the question that has been bantied about in the ESPN bullpen.

Dr. Lynn Rogers appeared from Minnesota with his pal, Ted E. Bear (that's an original name), a 900-pound bruin you wouldn't want to meet up with in an alley.

The question posed: Could Randle El allude the bear in a 100-yard run if Ted was standing at the 50-yard line?

This fiasco started when ESPN's Tim Kurkjian joked about the question. Almost everybody has sided with the kick returner, or so we were told by Jay Crawford.

"I'm getting to the end zone safe," Randle El said. "There's no doubt in my mind I'll out run the bear, out weave the bear. I won't run in a straight line. I can imagine the bear running 30-40 miles an hour and is probably somewhere between 700 and 1,000 pounds. I'm not getting caught by this bear."

Rogers replied: "I have great respect for this man but he is wrong. ... The fastest human ever clocked ran 27 miles an hour. A black bear can run 30 miles an hour, a grizzly bear can run 35 miles an hour. ... They're not big predators. They don't have the body form for a lot of dodging. On four legs, they can do better than a person on two legs."

Rogers said the bear's natural instinct would be to let the runner go, which, really, would make this question moot.

"For the sake of fun here, let's say the bear does try to catch him and he tries to dodge and get around the bear, then he has the dash to the goal-line with the bear able to outmaneuver him with four legs," Rogers said.

Randle El, who has been average (if that) in his two years as the Redskins' punt returner, provided his game plan.

"This might sound insane but at some point you have to attack the bear if you know he's coming after you," he said. "You have to go right at him and then dodge him. ... I know the bear runs 30-40 miles an hour, but Dr. Rogers, that fastest person was not running for his life. I'm running from this bear. The minute I feel like the bear is close to me, I'm zigging and zagging."

Wait, there's more.

"If he's coming toward the bear and the bear is coming toward him, I would not be surprised if Antwaan could dodge him the first time," Rogers said.

Randle El said, "It's a wrap after that."

Rogers hopefully ended this topic by summarizing: "In reality, I can't imagine this ever happening. ... I've never had a bear come after me in 40 years. There's a mis-perception that if you run away from the bear, it will trigger a predatory response."

-- Ryan O'Halloran

(hat tip: Hashmarks)