Attention Democratic candidates and Americans in general: Ya'll can breathe easy. Sean Penn is endorsing Dennis Kucinich. Crazy is as crazy does.

Every time we hear a new story about a citizen homeowner waxing a burglar who broke into his/her home, all we can think is: "good shootin' folks."

Roseanne Cash, at home recovering from brain surgery, and we wish her well. Love her music. She's one of those chicks who is just too cool for school.

If we were a Clinton campaign honcho, we would have put Bill, Hillary and Chelsea all together in Iowa this past weekend. It would have been a formidable photo op that would have worked against the Oprah-Obama maelstrom.

Wanna buy some ultra-fab music for Christmas. Here's our recommendation: a CD from the Detroit-based band Electric 6 called "I Shall Exterminate Everything Around Me That Restricts Me From Being The Master." Don't be cowed by the insanity of the title. The record is pop-rock happy, a great soundtrack to drive to, especially for a long holiday trip. Major snaps!

At a holiday party this weekend, we heard a funny term that we cannot help but pass along: Hobosexual. Meaning hot guys who have no money and extremely poor hygiene. AS IF.

Speaking of hygiene, truth be told, if we could, we'd dry clean everything. Sox, shoes, etc. We love the thrill of doing a bunch of laundry, the finite nature of having it done and folded and smelling nice. But we're busy and it's become a total chore. We think a super business idea would be a personal assistant, sort of along the line of the old Kelly girl model. You hire someone on an as-needed basis to handle the little things in your life that are key, but elusive if you are overscheduled. It would also be super helpful if she could do a solid express mani-pedi.

Dear Mrs. Obama: Girlfriend to girlfriend, where'd you get that exquisite black dress you wore in Iowa with Oprah? Cause we need one, real bad. Dish, puhleeze.

-- Andrea Billups, The Washington Times