We have parked our pink tour bus and come off the ongoing Hubris 'N' Handbags tour for the Christmas season. We said "Christmas," not "holiday." K? PC this.

We are recovering from our dip into Caucusville but plan to hit the trail again soon.

If you make it to Des Moines, head over to the cool Iowa Historical Society building and check out the Caucus Iowa exhibit. It explains a lot. We recommend it.

Also, we urge you to pop in to dine at 801 Steak & Chop, kind of the Nobu of Des Moines (minus the artful sushi). All the political stars are there — from journos to politicos. We saw Tom Brokaw dining late one night. We recommend. Good grub, chill atmosphere, nice folk. If you are a foody-toadie, check out the wine list, which has some impressive stuff.

We did want to mention to all of our dear, dear Ron Paul fans that we saw the Great Doctor himself. 8:05 a.m. walking into the lobby of the downtown Des Moines Marriott. Two aides, one photog. No big entourage. He was taller than we expected and seemed serious. Maybe he had not had enough coffee, like us. We hate the a.m. It's our worst time ever.

Des Moines is cool in that they have all these indoor walkways that adjoin buildings. We mused with our esteemed colleague Mary that if you got loaded and tried to take a walk, BAD, BAD things would ensue. You could be sleeping six blocks over near some insurance company's doorstep. Seriously. It's quite the municipal labyrinth.

Psychically, we are feeling some political vibes. Call it our Miss Cleo moment. Based on nothing but our hunch, we feel Rudy is in trouble, Mrs. Clinton, fighting back but concerned, Bill Clinton, angry that his wife is losing (cause it means he's losing, too :-)) Mike Huckabee, feeling stronger and more inspired to be himself in the midst of the cacophany, probably stunned at his luck. The GOP better get itself together or face the prospect of huge division. Lots of candidates, no frontrunners and time is running low. Jeb Bush, Mike Bloomberg — we're bringing you off the bench. Seriously. These campaign honchos must be scratching their heads at the indifference, really. Lots of money spent and yet. Someone needs to break out of this pack. But we're hard pressed to say who that might be. At this point, we don't see it, but we do feel that right now, all of those dudes could get their backsides kicked by Hillary, if not Barack. And BTW, John Edwards is still quite viable in Iowa. Elsewhere, not sure. But there, definitely.

And we would add this, as a bubblebath pundit: the dude or dude-ess who loses Florida is in a pile o' trouble. Watch Florida (one of our fave states.)

Hey, didya notice we were right on Tim Tebow, the Heisman winner -- as a sophomore? LOVE HIM.

Before we head out for more mall shopping, we allow: that Spears family is a trainwreck. We feel double bad for all of these kids brought up in this mess.

Our Hubris 'N' Handbags Tour returns home today, following a brisk week in corn country. We need a vacation from politics, punditry and all that roiling brew. We might as well get a divining rod or consult the stars, given the prognosticating we've heard. Everyone has a theory -- conspiracy or otherwise. Ask a bartender, a taxi driver, a valet, a maid from some no-name post-Soviet colony, about politics and you'll get an ear load. But in a nice way. These Iowans, they have opinions but they are not haters like the ones inside the Beltway and such. They say what they think but it's tempered in nicety. It really is. They are not mean spirited and it's refreshing.

We would like to also take this time to say one thing: Mrs. Clinton looks really good. We heard her speak today and while a nasty pic was posted all over the Internet making her look terrible, in person this morning we can attest that she had fab hair -- a perfect cut for her, truly she's found the right hairdo -- a nice suit, flattering makeup and even a fresh manicure. Given the nature of her schedule these days, she didn't look THAT exhausted. We'd be wilted if we had to travel and speak and be upbeat that much. This campaign stuff is nonstop madness. Ya gotta be kooky even to run.

All we're sayin' ...

"Ron Paul. Vote your conscience." We loved that guy, whoever he is. He looked like the Libertarian Santa.

-- Andrea Billups, The Washington Times

We continued Sunday on the Hubris N' Handbags tour with our esteemed photo colleague, Mary Calvert. Didya know she looks like Nicole Kidman? It's true. Anyhoo, we headed out to the fabled "Field of Dreams" where it was lovely and amazing and so cold it made us hurt. Man, we hope to earn extreme weather pay or something like that. Shoeless Joe Jackson is no doubt huddled up in a Hyatt with a nice California cabernet waiting for the corn to grow. Burrr ... we wanted to hit some fly balls, but we feared frostbite. Plus, the gift shop was closed. But the house, the white one in the movie, yep, it's still totally there. Way cool, even at 14 degrees.

In other big Iowa news: What's up with this convenience store chain Kum & Go? They are all over the place and better still, they have t-shirts. We picked up a few because we felt like they made a great holiday stocking stuffer (i.e. shirts we only wear to the gym). You know who you are people. They are in the mail.

Near as we can tell, this place is chockful of journalists and TV folks and political operatives of all stripes. They outnumber the citizenry. While we enjoyed a nice after dinner cocktail, one burly dude drew close to the bar, wrapped his paws around us both and whispered: "Ron Paul. Vote your conscience." It was so funny our Bailey's Irish Creme came shooting out of our nose. The guy looked a little like Grizzly Adams, but wearing L.L. Bean apparel. Ya gotta love it. Everyone's a pundit out here in the Heartland, at least until Jan. 3, when the carpet rolls up, the journos scamper to New Hampshire, and the cows again become king.

More later when we thaw.

PS: We found a Target!!!!!!!!!! Tar-jay. Such a comfort.

-- Andrea Billups, The Washington Times

The Hubris N' Handbags Tour continues in Iowa, a state of vast open expanses, lots of livestock and not enough suburbia. Honestly, it's like camping but in a car. Lots of events, lots of driving, very few high caliber retail outlets.

Still we had a interesting time. Saturday's fun: John Edwards and Kevin Bacon. Turns out, Kevin, a very slight and also cute dude, is not such a bad singer at all as he warmed up the crowd in Cedar Falls, where they have ONE Starbucks. But the people there were super nice and helpful so there's that. And John Edwards is a very effective speaker, very warm and so is his wife, who looks good. They both did a nice job connecting with their audience. Candidly, it was terrific to hear a Southern accent. There are not so many of them here.

Tons of snow tho, cars upside down in the median. Where is Sak's Fifth Ave.? Kidding. For now, it's online. The vast expansiveness of this state reminded us of the Little House on the Prairie books, which we may reread if we ever have time. Those pioneers get major snaps for navigating this terrain (and they didnt have Starbucks either.)

Did we say it was cold here? The car temp said 7 degrees. These are the moments we are thankful for the UGGS.

— Andrea Billups, The Washington Times

The Hubris 'n' Handbags Tour continues with dates this weekend in Iowa.

Burr … it's cold here, but the people seem nice. Northwest did not lose our luggage and they were also on time. Loving the building connector bridges in Des Moines. This is inspired. More cities oughta think about this configuration.

Dined last night at 801 Grand, a lovely spot. Who knew? Tom Brokaw in a party of four, seen eating late, round 10 p.m. He looks good, near as we can tell from our Sonoma-Cutrer inspired haze. (After the first of the year, we are switching entirely to white burgundy from the frogs.)

We suspect that the reason why they have caucuses here is because it's a grand fraternity-hazing scheme for would-be politicians. If you can tromp around the frozen prairie for months on end living out of a suitcase and shaking the hands of all the K-Mart shoppers, then maybe you are fit to lead the land. Certainly this takes stamina.

More from the tour tomorrow. We are off to see Kevin Bacon stump for John Edwards. We may absentmindedly hum the tune from "Footloose." We just can't help ourselves. We may also scream from the back of the room, "Whippin' Post," also because we can't help ourselves. Wonder if Kevin Bacon knows any Allman Brothers? Everyone really should. We'll report back.

Oh, and one more thing. We were super happy to see the cute selection of Hermes trinkets at the duty-free shop. So festive. Snaps!

— Andrea Billups, The Washington Times

Divalicious. That Nancy Pelosi reportedly has spent $16,000 on posies. We applaud her personal esthetic, but we doubt taxpayers will cop to her fancy-girl beautification program. From a personal responsibility standpoint, we do think $16,000 is a lot less than the funds she's likely spent on ... er, personal beautification. Uhhumm ... Not that there's anything wrong with that. Wonder what her favorites are? Mebbe she likes all those white lilies like Jennifer Lopez requires for her dressing rooms. We must call those intrepid Hill reporters and find out. Personally, we are partial to a mixture of Virginia and Anna roses, low and tight in a Tiffany bowl. We hate tall flower arrangements. We really do.

The Clinton camp's attack on Obama over past drug use is some kind of lame and out of touch. There are a lot of people who did inhale, who are willing to admit it and also ready to move on and put the past in the past. If we were Obama's camp, we'd open up a can of South Side Chicago whoop (rhymes with gas) on his opponent over the past White House. Talk about backfiring. These people have just drawn first blood. AS IF.

While the world will focus on the Iowa caucuses Jan. 3, we will tune to the latest incarnation of Donald Trump's television show, "The Apprentice," featuring celebrity guests, including Kiss rocker Gene Simmons (LOVE his reality show), supermodel Carol Alt and that devilish D.C. damsel Omarosa. Ya know how evil that girl can be! She should join a political campaign as the chief of dirty tricks.

Ike Turner has died and we don't feel so good ourself. He was not good with women, but we applaud his unique superbad strangeness. He seemed an unusual man with anger issues.

Speaking of domestic violence, what about waterboarding repeat offenders?
There's some justice for ya.

Speaking of domestic violence again ... that retired cop whose wife is still missing, Drew Peterson, now wants folks to donate online for his legal defense. And, he's asked the cops to return the guns they seized in their investigation of his wife's disappearance. That dude has got some. All we're sayin' ...

Kevin Bacon and Tim Robbins will tour with John Edwards this weekend in Iowa. It's not Oprah but it's something, we guess. We did like "Bull Durham" and "Footloose." There's that.

Another musical tip from our personal grab bag: anything by the Colombian artist Juanes. We don't speak Espanol much but we do think he's amazing.

In other happy retail news: we are squarely back in the Missoni camp. For a while there, nada, but now, we're loving it.

-- Andrea Billups, The Washington Times

Attention Democratic candidates and Americans in general: Ya'll can breathe easy. Sean Penn is endorsing Dennis Kucinich. Crazy is as crazy does.

Every time we hear a new story about a citizen homeowner waxing a burglar who broke into his/her home, all we can think is: "good shootin' folks."

Roseanne Cash, at home recovering from brain surgery, and we wish her well. Love her music. She's one of those chicks who is just too cool for school.

If we were a Clinton campaign honcho, we would have put Bill, Hillary and Chelsea all together in Iowa this past weekend. It would have been a formidable photo op that would have worked against the Oprah-Obama maelstrom.

Wanna buy some ultra-fab music for Christmas. Here's our recommendation: a CD from the Detroit-based band Electric 6 called "I Shall Exterminate Everything Around Me That Restricts Me From Being The Master." Don't be cowed by the insanity of the title. The record is pop-rock happy, a great soundtrack to drive to, especially for a long holiday trip. Major snaps!

At a holiday party this weekend, we heard a funny term that we cannot help but pass along: Hobosexual. Meaning hot guys who have no money and extremely poor hygiene. AS IF.

Speaking of hygiene, truth be told, if we could, we'd dry clean everything. Sox, shoes, etc. We love the thrill of doing a bunch of laundry, the finite nature of having it done and folded and smelling nice. But we're busy and it's become a total chore. We think a super business idea would be a personal assistant, sort of along the line of the old Kelly girl model. You hire someone on an as-needed basis to handle the little things in your life that are key, but elusive if you are overscheduled. It would also be super helpful if she could do a solid express mani-pedi.

Dear Mrs. Obama: Girlfriend to girlfriend, where'd you get that exquisite black dress you wore in Iowa with Oprah? Cause we need one, real bad. Dish, puhleeze.

-- Andrea Billups, The Washington Times

If Oprah and Obama could get a top-level warm-up band, say Prince, they could do stadium tours indefinitely, maybe whip out the Rev. TD Jakes to do the benediction, a little Jay-Z to kick up the volume. Call it: Barackapalooza.

Speaking of Obama, both he and Hillary were nominated for Grammy Awards this year in the best spoken word category, where both have won before. Wonder if this winner of THIS contest is the one who will win the Democratic nomination — an interesting barometer amid all this political handicapping (ZZZZZZZ). Our personal fave, Miss Chaka Khan, has also been nominated. Respect, girl.

Well, we listened to the long-awaited Mittens speech about being a Mormon and we do think it was good he did it — it seemed heartfelt — although on one level, it felt a bit like he was aping Kennedy and the whole Catholic deal from the '60s. We think Mittens should bring the Osmond Brothers out on the campaign trail with him. That Marie is newly famous after her well-received stint on "Dancing With the Stars," as is Donny, who did great commentary on "Entertainment Tonight," where they ought to really hire him as a host. Those Osmonds have been terrific ambassadors for their faith and they could be his Oprah, kinda sorta.

Wouldn't you just love to see Hunter S. Thompson out covering the campaign this year? Such fodder for the dude, who did very good work when he did it, we think.

— Andrea Billups, The Washington Times

Chavez lost his power in the election, no? Thank goodness ... when good things happen to bad people. Might we suggest a retirement plan in Cuba. Women, beaches, cigars, plenty of oppression with a big dollop of communism. Perfecto.

That young human rights activist, Thor Halvorssen, now HE should be the new president of Venezuela. An Obama type -- smart, attractive, self-starter, knows how to bring folks together. Oh, and he LOVES America, too. We are printing t-shirts now. Thor por El Presidente '08.

Bill Clinton is sniping that reporters just don't judge his wife on the issues when it comes to reporting on Hillary. And he adds, quietly, that HER experience trumps Barack's. We did the math, probably not the case, but we sorta like it that he's trying to be loyal. She's earned THAT.

Speaking of Mrs. Clinton: Good news. She's dumped the Celine Dion campaign music -- ick, cack -- in favor of Big Head Todd. C'mon sister, bring on the Judas Priest or perhaps some light Metallica or wait ... put on the gloves and let's play some Rammstein. That'll get the manly, raw-meat vote for sure.

Where is Mayor Rudy's Mrs. Judy? She is RARELY out there campaigning. He is kind of in a plateau, we would say. Mebbe the missus will show soon. We'd like to hear her campaign.

If we were Barack and we are not, we would take advantage and strike really, really hard -- it seems all there, ya know. We can dig that he's been a gentleman thus far, but we think it's almost Hammertime, if he has any chance of pulling this out. Just our observation.

Even though we wrote them an actual check, we just can't pass those Salvation Army bell ringers without giving something. We can't.

To quell all of the rumors, we officially announce that yes, we are the emcee on the newly announced Kid Rock tour in '08. Please make a note of it.

Strangely, we discovered we enjoy the Wet and Wild lip gloss as much as our Lancome juicy tubes. Same consistency and they smell nice, too. Go figure. Usually dime store cosmetics give us hives. Who knew?

Our Christmas loot is coming in nicely, those postal folks doing hero work this season. But we've no time to package it. Mebbe we'll hire those illegals who worked for Mittens' lawn service to wrap all our stuff. Kooky gesture, no, firing your lawn dude over his illegal edging and blowing staff? That is utter, political weirdness and incredibly poor timing. It doesn't look presidential as much as it looks dumb. C'mon. We get the idea and all, but who DOES THAT NOW? Sure he's under fire, but ... OY.

Happy, happy Hannukah, ya'll!

-- Andrea Billups, The Washington Times