Totally must-read reading: the Rich Karlgaard columns in Forbes. Genius. The one comparing Michigan's economy to the Unversity of Michigan's dismal football opening is uncanny spot-on.

What sort of person PAYS for a hit on K-Fed? We bet the FBI dudes were secretly laughing at this one. Sigh ... the Briney spiral continues in the courts. How about if someone responsible gets these kids -- they should mail 'em to Dr. Phil or mebbe that family on Seventh Heaven. They were SO darned nice.

And while we are at it: Gloria Allred is kind of like the well-coiffed cockroach of attorneys, no? We mean we could have the apocalypse and she'd show up the next day to defend the insects who survived. What a cavalcade of kooky money-seeking victims, er ... clients she has had. And yet she does have totally nice suits with lipstick that always matches. A little constructed but they work for her as uniform. Snaps.

Is it just us, or were OJ's taped comments in the Vegas memorabilia shakedown straight out of a Miami Vice episode? We think he could have beaten the robbery rap probably, but the tape is really damning. Apparently he still does have a temper ... uh-hum ... hiding the cutlery.

Dontcha just think Barry Manilow really exposed himself as a lamer than EVER as an artist and human being -- what with his cutting out of his scheduled appearance on "The View" over comments by the affably outspoken Elizabeth Hasselbeck? When we can't respect opinions that differ from our own ... perhaps he just did this to try to get publicity -- for himself. Ya think?

We have always been a huge Steven Cojocaru fan, but his hair is starting to look a little Lhasa-apso-ish. We'd like him just a tad cleaner. Time for a trim, oh fashion goddess.

We may put on a hat and dark glasses and venture into Kohl's to see what this down-market Vera Wang collection is all about. If you see us, please avert your eyes. We will deny it with the same happy ferocity of an Alberto Gonzales congressional testimony.

Ugly Betty star America Ferrera is one semester from a degree in international relations at USC. We knew she was bright -- and also incredibly well-mannered and gracious. She makes normal look so great.

We hate to break your hearts, but our family auto this week is a Lamborghini Gallardo. In yellow. And yes, people stare. It's a panther, 100 percent open-road trouble. It's not us -- we loved the Bentley more -- but it is really cool.

-- Andrea Billups, The Washington Times