While we applaud his health consciousness and even though a lot of conservatives dig him, he still reminds us of a big angry bloodhound.

We hate to be critical ... wait, no we don't. We love it.

So ... might we suggest an eye job. Nothing personal (we are SO ready ourselves). It's cheap, doesn't hurt much, a couple of weeks downtime and some Dermablend and you're good to go.

Here's a freebie: Drs. Monte O. Harris and Eliot F. Battle, who run a swingin' medical spa up in Chevy Chase. Give those fabulous men a call, sir, and tell them Miss Andrea sent you. You'll be glad you did.

These last two, while Category 5, have been mega-anticlimactic because they hit some Third World coast. AS IF. We need wall-to-wall CNN video and some stellar Jim Cantore on the Weather Channel to make our storm coverage enjoyable.

With those biceps, Mr. Cantore makes televised devastation so much hotter. Loving the guns, weatherboy. Loving the guns.

We think you are attractive, in that Southern dude who owns a bunch of car dealerships sort of way ... and yet this medical deal where we all hafta go to the doctor ... honey, that's socialism, dontchathink?

What if we made all guys who had totally unfortunate hair get a better stylist? See ... not very fun, is it?

Big biscuits and happy campaigning,

-- Andrea Billups, national political reporter, The Washington Times