Over the weekend, one of our trusted Miss Andrea winged monkeys leaked us a copy of Bill Clinton's personal diary notes on becoming First Dude: We could not resist sharing some of his scribblings.

1. Hillary, likely too busy fighting with Congess (man, she can be so FRICKIN' MEAN (devil horns doodle)), will interview new intern candidates in the Oval. Gawd. So exciting. Skirts, pumps...I have missed this place. Plan college speaking tour, preferably SEC schools.

2. Must get H. to hire new Southern chef. This fitness crap that Dubya was eating is dirt. Who cooked for Elvis? Reschedule cardiologist appt.

3. Denise Rich will not stop callin' me. That girl is just too old. But I can still flirt with her for some money.

4. Get new Wii for Camp David. Renew adult film channels on cable up there.

5. Firm up Boys Night Out at Scores with Terry McA, Howard Stern (they love me here). Crash at Chelsea's apartment if it gets too crazy, press will not suspect.

6. Make "People I Hate in Washington" list. Remind H. to stick it to 'em. Lunch w. Vernon, Cafe Milano. Shopping trip: J. Crew — clerks, Georgetown cheerleaders — take business cards.

7. Call Tommy: Redo wall caricature at Palm. Set up golf outing with WaPo eds; remind them how rotten Bushies were, how fun WE are.

8. Restart "Strip Aerobics" class in WH gym. Invite Dana Perino. She was hot for a GOP chick. Call Hef: Remind him "I'm back." (Smiley face doodle with tongue hanging out.)

9. Begin private sax lessons at GW. Call Springsteen, invite him to play with me sometime. Hey, Lindsay Lohan can sing. Invite her, too. "I feel her pain." She probably needs a good father figure in her life. My "in."

10. Jessica Simpson, single. Put her at my table for state dinner. Must meet her soon to discuss "ambassadorship," private tour of my library. (Nick Lachey was one CRAZY mother. She is smokin'). Watch "Dukes of Hazzard" in WH viewing room. Order pork rinds. Do they have carbs? Make shopping list: Cheez Whiz, BBQ sauce, Macanudos...

— Andrea Billups, The Washington Times